where · i · can't · be · me.

Puppy gets treats.
Bitch takes punishments.

Puppy wiggles her ass.
Bitch tries to hide it from abuse.

Puppy grins and drools happily.
Bitch screams and cries for mercy.

Puppy gets bathed and soothed, and comes easily.
Bitch is a dirty girl, and is never allowed to come.

Puppy is loved, and feels pride.
Bitch is abused and debased, and can't get enough of it.

Puppy gets fucked, giggles and has fun.
Bitch gets raped, and is left whining on the floor.

Puppy gets toys to play with, and plays with them to everyone's amusement.
Bitch is teased, and is only allowed to come when humiliated.

Puppy gets to lie on the bed, and make love.
Bitch pants on the floor, and forced to masturbate without ever getting to come.

love, me.

[cross posted to other animals.}

to think about sex. more specifically, to think about my ass, and sex.

i've never been incredibly fond of, or proud of, my ass. it was there, it took a good beating or two, but pretty much just sat there above the "really important" part, my pussy. which i am actually pretty fond of.

what does he want from me? he wants all of me. including my ass. there's something about getting fucked in the ass that makes me even more submissive than i would be otherwise. i think it's because i don't think i'm going to come. it feels pretty good, and i like being used, but i don't think i've ever had an orgasm from being fucked in the ass.

well, see, here's the thing. i haven't been fucked in the ass all that much. so, i might be wrong about what potential exists. but no matter what could or could not happen, here's what goes through my mind when he wants me, from behind, and deep in my ass:

i think to myself, "i just want him to shove it in, and fuckfuckfuck until he comes. i want him to treat me like his bitch, his puppy. i'm not here for me, i'm here for him, and i'll be as dirty and open as he wants me to be, and he wants my ass, and he doesn't care really what i want."

here's what happens to my body when i think these things:

i get sloppy wet. my mouth opens and often starts to drool, and sounds come out of my mouth that i've never heard before, sounds that want a gag, a choke, a cock. i need to be filled up as soon as possible, i need to be rammed and hurt, choked and shoved down. i can't think straight, and my ass gets higher up, more easy for him to fuck. my hips wiggle, and i can't figure out if i need him in my ass or my pussy until i realize through the fog that it doesn't matter, and the wanting makes me spread more.

so, love, that's what i think about anal sex. ;)

"Rebel Yell"/billy idol

Last night a little dancer came dancin' to my door
Last night a little angel Came pumpin cross my floor
She said "Come on baby I got a licence for love
And if it expires pray help from above"

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midnight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"
More, more, more.

She don't like slavery, she won't sit and beg
But when I'm tired and lonely she sees me to bed
What set you free and brought you to be me babe
What set you free I need you hear by me
Because

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midnight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"

He lives in his own heaven
Collects it to go from the seven eleven
Well he's out all night to collect a fare
Just so long, just so long it don't mess up his hair.

I walked the world with you, babe
A thousand miles with you
I dried your tears of pain, babe
A million times for you

I'd sell my soul for you babe
For money to burn with you
I'd give you all, and have none, babe
Just, just, justa, justa to have you here by me
Because

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midnight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried "more, more, more"
More, more, more.

Oh yeah little baby
she want more
More, more, more, more, more.

Oh yeah little baby
she want more
More, more, more, more.

"You're saying I'm fragile...I try not to be" - stevie nicks/leather and lace

her breath is ragged, and the effort forcing herself for him into position makes her break out in a light sweat. the house is warm, her body hot. her ass in the air, and her head raises, knowing the delicate parts of her posture are what will give her rewards, rather than the overt ones. she knows he wants to touch her skin, and hearing his breathing, hard and hot on her neck, close enough that she thinks she may have won, but it's only a fingernail tracing her shoulders, and then scraping around to scratch her nipples. her voice, lost for a while, breaks into a groan, and words start to form in her head that want speaking. he reads the words before they're spoken, and grabs the flesh of her breast cruelly. the words almost voiced are lost in a cry instead. "don't speak, you know better than that," she hears, and before she can stop it, the cry changes to a whimper. "that's right, that's it." he whispers as the shaking inside becomes shaking outside, and his hands begin to run along her sides, encouraging. his hands are gone as she's quivering, and then back again as his hands come back to stroke around her neck. she breaks into a sweat again, wanting the taste of the choke, desperate for the sounds of the click of her collar. his fingers stroke around her neck, and suddenly he's in front of her on his haunches, peering into her face, his hands circling her neck firmly.

her eyes clench shut, and he lightly slaps her cheek. she's panting, and he slaps her again. her eyes open along with her mouth, her tongue snakes out between her lips, and he smiles broadly at her, and gives her his thumb. he pushes it into her mouth, and her muscles relax, opening up for him. he moves it back and forth on her tongue and stares into her eyes as she leaves her mouth open and wet for him to rub. he's still smiling, and he nods. her lips immediately form a wet 'o' around his thumb, her tongue rubbing it, her eyes flutter closed. her thoughts are wrapped around his finger, taking him in and pleasing him. he lets her suck, letting her get lost for a moment, her first treat.

he slowly drags his finger out, and wipes it along her cheek. her body begins to rock of it's own accord, her hips moving. she looks at him, her eyes pleading. he watches her rock for a moment, then steps away, bringing back the collar in his hand, and she freezes, seeing it there. she will not lose this treat. he smiles again at her, and dangles it in front of her eyes, and her eyes lock onto it, the only part of her that dares to move.

"what will you do for it today, baby?" he squats down in front of her again, looking into her green eyes. her lips open to speak, but stop as his face hardens slightly. "no, baby, it's not that easy anymore. you'll have to work for it. " he stands up and her heart pounds faster, in arousal and fear, her hips moving uncontrollably with her breath pattern as she watches him step away. she whines, and thinks about crawling after him, but before she can make the choice he turns back to her. "turn around," he says, "and put on a show for me. show me how much you want to be my bitch."

"honey, you should know, that i can never go on without you...." coldplay/greeneyes

there's a burst of laughter from outside the house. they've just walked in, away from the cold and otherness. there's grins and touches, wet shoes and balance to kept, but there's heat, also, and she feels it burning through her. she thinks to herself that she's all aglow, pink, and feels his halo of heat touching hers, even as they just stare at each other, as the silence grows bigger between them, as the heat sphere gets bigger.

his hand quietly touches her cheek, and before she can stop herself, she's turned her cheek inward to his hand, and kisses his palm. she listens for, and gets, his hiss of breath at her kiss. she hasn't moved her face away from his hand, not knowing what game will be played. and the mystery of it makes her knees tremble.

he moves his hand, finally, down to hers, and laughingly pulls her along, and she's grinning at this love of hers. he spins her, so she's wrapped up in his arms, and he kisses her, long, and soft, and then hard and sweet. his arms urge her downward, until she's on her knees in front of him, and there's a swell inside of love and need, and the center of heat lower in her body vibrates and tunes itself to him. she wants, badly, to wrap her arms around his legs and hold him close, but she also knows she will pay for making that choice on her own, without his direction. his heat increases, and her face gets reddened as she feels him looking down at her, at the top of her bowed, waiting head. his fingers, strangely cool on her neck, tip her face upward towards his. his face is unguarded, questioning. "you want this?" he says. she looks down, and nods, her face burning. his fingers, less gentle now, push her face back up towards his. "look at me when you say 'yes'."

her mouth opens, and no sound comes out. she coughs a bit, trying to slow down the game she's been asking for, not at all sure why. his fingers find her chin again, and pull up. she looks at his eyes, the sweet, hard eyes, and finds her voice, the one she will not have the rest of the game. "yes." she whispers, and feels her body flood with wetness.

-------------------------

"Speak with your tongue, use body language,
and pull your skin like wrapping paper round my heart..." /graham parker/wrapping paper

there's a brief touch on her shoulder, the cool fingers have reached the pulse on her neck, soothing the frantic beating there. she can't look at him, especially as she knows his eyes are licking her posture, her bones. she knows he likes feeling the quickening of her blood, knows that the more quickly it runs through her the more desperate she becomes, the more eager. his fingers tangle in her hair, and she knows he can smell her sex through her clothes. the back of her neck prickles with the presence of his fingers there, and air whistles through her teeth as he suddenly grips the hair and holds her head tight, staring into her eyes. he's forcing himself on her, staring down into her eyes that want nothing more than to look away, show him she knows her place, but his hands are insistent. finally, she cannot bear it, and looks away, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.

his hand keeps it's grip, and he lowers her by the neck to the floor, showing how he wants her obeisance. her forehead touches the floor, next to his foot, and it's all she can do to not reach out with her tongue to show more. but she hasn't earned even this treat yet.

he stands over her, the captured prey, and their breathing is the only sound in the room. her trembling begins inside her body, the shaking taking over in ripples over her skin, and he's barely touched her yet. already she's ready to come, prove she can please him, wants to show him. her wetness seeps over her thighs, and she hears him sigh, knowing the scent has wafted up, and her cheeks brighten even more with the shame of her need for him. she begins to breathe through her mouth, almost panting, and her body snakes a bit on the floor towards his foot; she's not able to stop herself anymore, and this is the sign he has been waiting for. quickly, he grabs her hair again before she reaches him, and forces her down again, muttering "not yet, bitch. not yet." and there's a moan from deep inside her throat, muffled by the floorboards.

"lie down, keep your head down."

her body flows outward as if his hands had arranged her, her skin glowing from heat and blood, face down and her legs outstretched on the floor. his foot works itself between her thighs, and forces them apart, spreading her apart, and she cries out with the contact of his skin on hers. suddenly, his hand is stroking her back, slowly soothing her against the tides threatening to overcome her. "baby, baby, baby..." he says, and her back arches quickly towards just this touch, and there's a small growl from behind her. she's broken a rule; she's not to move without consent, and his hand slaps her buttocks swift and hard. "no, baby. you're not ready yet." the sounds of the sting resounds through the room, and the tears threaten to leak out of her closed eyes against the floor. before she can react again, he stands up, his shadow examines her body.

"up."

he's quiet with his orders, he doesn't yell. he doesn't have to - every muscle in her body is attuned to his sounds, and she knows his quiet holds his power within it. she's learned his orders, and bites her tongue from the humor and nervous giggle threatening to escape. she raises to her knees and hands, her head still hanging low, knowing his eyes have moved from her face to her throbbing cunt, shining. his breathing comes more quickly, and the cool air on the moisture causes a mix of shameful pleasure and pain. another quick hard slap, which means "arch it.", and she gives herself up to it and forces her ass up in the air for him.